Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Matthew, chapter 27 - part 2

32 As they were going out, they met a man from Cyrene, named Simon, and they forced him to carry the cross.
One shouldn't forget that the condemned didn't have to carry the whole cross (how would they have been able to do that?) but only the upper 't-part'. But it seems Jesus (already?) was too weak to do that.
35 When they had crucified him, they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
Yet another detail invented to 'fulfill' a prophecy.
44 In the same way the robbers who were crucified with him also heaped insults on him.
Unlike in other Gospels both thieves mock him.
50 And when Jesus had cried out again in a loud voice, he gave up his spirit.
So Jesus has finished his job and could go home again at last. The ghost who descended upon him during his baptism has left the human body again when he did.
51 At that moment the curtain of the temple was torn in two from top to bottom. The earth shook and the rocks split.
Some more supernatural mumbojumbo to 'prove' that it was indeed an important figure that had just 'died'.
52 The tombs broke open and the bodies of many holy people who had died were raised to life. 53 They came out of the tombs, and after Jesus' resurrection they went into the holy city and appeared to many people.
That would have been the first recorded instance of zombies, the night of the living dead indeed. But funny that these zombies haven't been mentioned in any other text of any historian outside the Bible ...
54 When the centurion and those with him who were guarding Jesus saw the earthquake and all that had happened, they were terrified, and exclaimed, "Surely he was the Son of God!"
So if he's the Son of God and thus immortal what's the big deal of about killing him? He could just come back over and over again like the Highlander ...
55 Many women were there, watching from a distance. They had followed Jesus from Galilee to care for his needs.
Well, somebody had to cook for the guys and ask for directions, right?
60 and placed it in his own new tomb that he had cut out of the rock. He rolled a big stone in front of the entrance to the tomb and went away.
So if he was able to roll this great stone to the door I guess it wouldn't be that impossible to roll it away again ... ?
62 The next day, the one after Preparation Day, the chief priests and the Pharisees went to Pilate. 63 "Sir," they said, "we remember that while he was still alive that deceiver said, 'After three days I will rise again.'
Yeah, because, geez, one forgets silly claims like that so quickly ...
64 So give the order for the tomb to be made secure until the third day. Otherwise, his disciples may come and steal the body and tell the people that he has been raised from the dead. This last deception will be worse than the first."
Eh, and what about last night ... ? Why would the disciples wait to get the body only the second night instead of immediately?
66 So they went and made the tomb secure by putting a seal on the stone and posting the guard.
Why didn't they look INTO the tomb and confirm that the body was still there?