Mark, chapter 10

6 "But from the beginning of creation, God MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE. 7 "FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER, 8 AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH; so they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 "What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate."

So what is that supposed to mean? That you have to stay with person that you had first sex with or that you've married (whichever comes first) your whole life? Even if your partner turns out to be a cheater, loser, alcoholic and wife/man-beater? And doesn't this then also mean that God CHOSE ('has joined together') this horrible person for you?

8 And Jesus said to him, "Why do you call Me good? No one is good except God alone.So Jesus doesn't consider himself either good nor God? That's quite a surprise but noted. And so much for the Trinity. 23 And Jesus, looking around, said to His disciples, "How hard it will be for those who are wealthy to enter the kingdom of God!"

So a high income diminishes your chances to enter Heaven? Somebody better tell the Vatican and the televangelists this!

47 When he (a blind beggar) heard that it was Jesus the Nazarene, he began to cry out and say, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"51 And answering him, Jesus said, "What do you want Me to do for you?" And the blind man said to Him, "Rabboni, I want to regain my sight!"

D'oh! Jesus surely is slow at times ... What do most of the blind people want from a well-known healer when they address him? Come on, try to guess this and hit it on the spot the first time!

Mark, chapter 6

4 Jesus said to them, "Only in his hometown, among his relatives and in his own house is a prophet without honor." 5 He could not do any miracles there, except lay his hands on a few sick people and heal them. 6 And he was amazed at their lack of faith.

I wonder why they didn't believe in him. Because they knew that he was only a human and thus he couldn't trick them? And healing somebody doesn't count as miracle?

55 They ran throughout that whole region and carried the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was. 56 And wherever he went—into villages, towns or countryside—they placed the sick in the marketplaces. They begged him to let them touch even the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed.

There must have been a lot of sick people lying around there. And this sounds like a lot of work even for a miracle-man. But at least his magical cloak helped him doing the job.

Mark, chapter 5

12 The demons begged Jesus, "Send us among the pigs; allow us to go into them." 13 He gave them permission, and the evil spirits came out and went into the pigs. The herd, about two thousand in number, rushed down the steep bank into the lake and were drowned.

So the demons didn't want Jesus to send them simply forth (why not? do they need hosts to survive?) but asked to be 'transferred' into the swines. Who then get crazy, jump into the sea and drown. That makes sense. But can demons be drowned in the first place? And, oh, the pig farmer will probably thank Jesus many times for killing his herd of 2000 pigs!

But I guess Jesus didn't like the pig farmer in the first place since he wasn't a Jew and therefore didn't care about destroying his livestock ...

18 As Jesus was getting into the boat, the man who had been demon-possessed begged to go with him. 19 Jesus did not let him, but said, "Go home to your family and tell them how much the Lord has done for you, and how he has had mercy on you."

So Jesus doesn't just want anyone to go with him. Especially not ex-crazy guys ... Maybe because one never knows when the demons will be back? And it's surprising that he said to him that he should tell his family about what happened since at other places in the texts he always tells the people not to say anything.

25 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years. 26 She had suffered a great deal under the care of many doctors and had spent all she had, yet instead of getting better she grew worse. 27 When she heard about Jesus, she came up behind him in the crowd and touched his cloak, 28 because she thought, "If I just touch his clothes, I will be healed." 29 Immediately her bleeding stopped and she felt in her body that she was freed from her suffering. 30 At once Jesus realized that power had gone out from him. He turned around in the crowd and asked, "Who touched my clothes?"

So even though Jesus wasn't aware of her, she was healed simply because she had touched the magic cloak! Awesome. Too bad that cloak doesn't exist anymore. And although Jesus seems to have healing power sensors that indicated that somebody 'stole' some healing power from him, he obviously didn't have omnivision nor omniscience and therefore had to asked who touched his cloak. Hm ...

And it's also a not very veiled attack on doctors and medicine. But, thank God!, we've still got doctors today because magical cloaks have become somewhat rare though.